Saturday, August 17, 2019

Forgetfulness


I have to write stuff down.  I don’t really think this is a function of age, it is a function of ambition.  I have a lot of stuff to get done, I accomplish a lot of stuff and sometimes, some of it falls off the list.  I work with college kids all the time and believe me, most of them need to write stuff down.  I blame my forgetfulness on my very full mind.  We all juggle a lot of different stuff.  Up in the air at all times are family member’s schedules, family finances, short and long term work goals, etc.  In addition to that are all the things these various constituencies pay me the big bucks for, like knowing where I put last year’s taxes, what the kids are doing this weekend.  I don’t know if my mind used to be sharper, but I do know that it was less cluttered.

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Which Way is Up?

A friend recently suggested I should write about the great things about aging.  I think learning to drive without the aid of google maps was a blessing.  I was good at reading maps, because I had to learn to get from point A to some unknown location of point B.  I generally have an idea of where I am based on the compass;  I am south of here or we need to head north east, etc.  But combining these old map skills and the google map app on my phone can be a challenge.  First of all, is there even a North arrow on these maps?  By the time I blow up the map enough to see the street names, then it is so large I cannot view any of the other landmarks.  I would like there to be a pause button on the app.  There probably is, I just don’t know about it.  If I decide to detour, leave me alone for a while, I don’t need the constant rerouting. Don’t get me wrong, I use google maps religiously, but I miss pulling over and getting a map out of the glove compartment and just figuring out where I am and where I need to go.

Monday, July 29, 2019

Reverse Age Dysmorphia

I suffer from Reverse Age Dysmorphia.  Don’t try to look this up, I coined the term myself!  This is where I think I am about 30, but I am really about 50. I thought I was the only one that had Reverse Age Dysmorphia.  But apparently I am not alone: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/aging_b_4050176 .  Body dysmorphia is that terrible disease where people don’t see their image in the mirror as they really are.  People that suffer from this can become anorexic and/or bulimic to name a few horrible maladies.  Age dysmorphia is when people think they look older than they are.  They react similarly obsessing over every line or wrinkle.  It is sad.  I wish these sufferers better health.  What are the side effects to Reverse Age Dysmorphia?  Certainly Weekend WARRIOR Syndrome, where you go out and do some physical activity besides walking from car to office and sitting at a desk and are then hobbled by strained muscles.  Biting Off More than you can CHEW Syndrome, where you start some project, usually of the home improvement variety, and then realize you should have just hired someone to do it.  Real Face SHOCK Syndrome, where you finally get into good light or have sighted the “in between” lens correctly and can make out the age spots you somehow gloss over daily.  Empowered Sustenance website https://empoweredsustenance.com/age-dysmorphia/ has a great quote "Underlying all forms of body dysmorphia is the false belief that what our bodies look like determines our value and worth as human beings.”  Thankfully I am free of this.  I propose the definition of reverse age dysmorphia is “Underlying all forms of reverse dysmorhphia is the belief that our minds eye is powerful and determines our value and worth as a human being.”

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Trifocals are Trying


My husband is aging more gracefully than I.  This is hard to take on many fronts, but he also does not want to admit to some changes.  I encouraged him to get reading glasses when he called me into our kitchen to tell him what some numbers were on engineering drawings.  He claims the readers made his eyesight worse and now wears trifocals.  This is hilarious.  I have worn glasses my whole life.  For those of you that knew me in high school and are thinking, “she didn’t wear glasses”, I was just vain.  I went through most of high school in a haze.  Most of the high school haze was caused by blurred vision.  So back to the trifocals.  Apparently he needs to see distance, close up and the “in between”.   What,  is the “in between”?  Well the best example of the "in between" is the dash on the car.  He wants to read the dials.  So he spends a lot time moving his glasses, his eyeballs and his head around to focus on what he wants to see in the correct lens.  He complains about these glasses all the time.  I tell him to just get bifocals, that is what I wear and they are great.  But what about the “in between”?  This is where never having 20/20 vision in my life comes in.  Just guess about the “in between” is my advice.  OR “they have this great thing on most cars where you can get digital display of your speed and the font is very large; you could use that.” I say.  He refuses, just like he refuses to use the back-up camera – don’t get me started.

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Empty Nest


The kids are both in college.  It is awesome.  I bet you are thinking we run around the house naked and are having amazing sex on the kitchen table, right?  Sorry, this isn’t that kind of blog.  What is amazing is that we have sandwiches for dinner, often.  After 20 years of coming up with dinners that included a protein, a starch, veggies; I am relieved to have the pressure of a well-balanced meal off my plate.  I prepared for this transition by announcing to my kids several years ago that during summer I was only providing one meal a day.  They could fend for themselves for the others.  But the really hard part is getting used to just needing less food.  Our milk now expires before we have used it all and we are sick of the leftovers before they have been eaten.  The other thing I am enjoying is that my husband is the only one who needs 20 bucks on a regular basis.

Monday, July 8, 2019

Missing My Shoe Fetish


My feet are ½ size to a full size larger than before I had kids.  They are also wimpy.  What I mean is that if shoes were cute I don’t ever remember worrying they would be uncomfortable or that I regretted wearing cute shoes because my feet hurt.  I don’t quite wear thick, orthopedic sandals or tennis shoes, but I can see it in my future.  I don’t buy all kinds of cute shoes because I can tell they will be painful.  Peep toe shoes hurt my big toe, any sort of thong shoe annoys the space between my big toe and the next toe.  A lot of shoes are tight across the bridge of my foot.  Some shoes with heels hurt my back.  Do you get the picture?  The most annoying thing is that I used to wear a size 7 PERIOD.  Didn’t matter the shoe, a size 7 fit.  Now in the age of internet shopping I can’t count on this, sometimes I wear a 7  ½ sometimes an 8.  I still love shoes but it takes longer to find ones that meet all my prerequisites.  Old age tip #78, use spare time to shoe shop.

Monday, July 1, 2019

DENIED


I have been rejected by google adsense. “After reviewing your application, our specialists have found that it does not meet our program criteria.” These are the people that put annoying ads on a website.  I am hoping it is because I don’t have a privacy or disclosure policy.  So I added these and not one of these reasons…
  • Adult themes in family content
  • Pornography, adult or mature content
  • Shocking content
  • Content that threatens or advocates for harm on oneself or others
  • Content that harasses, intimidates or bullies an individual or group of individuals.  Is my blog bullying the middle aged?  I did make that snide comment about millennials.  Millennials are probably the ones to approve my application.  I will edit that sentence out.
  • Content that incites hatred against, promotes discrimination of, or disparages an individual or group on the basis of their race or ethnic origin, religion, disability, age, nationality, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, or other characteristic that is associated with systemic discrimination or marginalization.  I was just kidding about the trials of being old, really it is preferable to the alternative.
  • Excessive profanity
  • Hacking/cracking content
  • Software or other content that violates the Unwanted Software Policy
  • Malware or adware
  • Illicit drugs and drug paraphernalia content
  • Content that promotes, sells, or advertises products obtained from endangered or threatened species.